Oh Shit

It's Sunday. It's 9:30. Here I am doing my blog for extra credit when it hits me. We have a full feature story due Tuesday. We have some math assignment that I don't understand due Tuesday also. Top of the list though, got a math test on Tuesday and god knows how many other tests we'll get this week. O did i mention I have to go to the cities right after school tomorrow and Tuesday. And I haven't started any of this yet.

I believe right now is the appropriate time for the age old saying "Oh Shit."

Yeah I know It's my fault. I had all week to do it, but my friends from the cities came down. I'm not going to say "hey excuse for a few hours, I have homework." I'm sure many others can agree. It's holiday break for god's sake. Lay off with the damn homework.


Really, do we all have to be like grand old Gale Nelson, "No matter what is going on you will have homework, because math is like a sport, you don't take breaks if you want to be good." Load of Bull. I'm sure everyone else agrees, it's a holiday BREAK, go give us a god damn break.

Just Think About It,

Tufte

Cranium

So it is thanksgiving again and here I am in the same big fluffy chair in my grandmothers basement, when oh god not again, the dreaded cranium is brought forth. It is a family tradition, every thanksgiving we all sit together and play cranium. If you don't know what that is I pity you, it's a great board game. 

Well any who, we get together to play and all I can think about is what is going to be the "moment" this year. Last year it was me yelling sexual harassment instead of punchline, year before that my aunt had to hum "billy jean" by Micheal Jackson and it came out more like Mary had a little lamb. And I realized then, how much I love my family. 

Makes me laugh, I had to be playing a board game at a holiday to realize how much I truly enjoy being around my family. I laugh so much when were together, I believe I laughed so hard I cried, at least three times this year.

 I can't stand them sometimes, no one can be around someone that much, but when I'm with them I can't help but smile. When my family gets together all of our otherworldly problems go away, and we just laugh and laugh. It is almost sad that It took till now, probably the 12 year I can remember with them, to realize that. Just a personal epiphany for you all. 

Giving Thanks For Family,

Tufte

A Pressure Preformance

It is dark. It is quiet. Everyone is standing together bouncing off the walls with excitement. The music starts the curtain opens,
"Fabric, get your fabric," and the play has begun.
Call it stupid, but that's what happens behind the scenes. For some reason we're always nervous before a show, but then the curtain opens and it all goes away in a second. Some people hate pressure, some people love it.

When people fold under pressure I almost feel sorry for them. Anthony Tate cannot choose a flavor of ice cream without spending at least 2 minutes going,
"Uh ummm....I don't know."
It is the saddest thing I've ever seen. I get were he's coming from. I personally hate pressure. Yet I still love it. I love the feeling of pressure once it's started. Once I know I've got it down, when I know I did it, I love that feeling. The feeling of success that removes that pit from your stomach and makes you smile from ear to ear. It's one of the best feelings in the world.

So as I leave once again a saying for the road- Thrive on pressure, because once you get past it you will feel like your on top of the world.

Just Think About It,

Tufte

"Well That was Random"

Ha, I've heard that a lot lately. It happens to everyone, those very, very strange moments where we do some strange random thing so weird all anyone can say is "Well that was random." I must say i love those moments. It is those stupid things we do just to make filler space in an awkward silence that are truly funny.

Everyone is random, some more then others, but notice how it's always with friends that this happens. Can you name once you were random with people your not comfortable with. Don't know why that is buts that's just the way it happens i guess. I must say I wish i could see some peoples random moments. Some people are so quiet when in public I'd just like to hear them say something funny.

So this is a pretty random blog, most of mine are, but like I said were all random, maybe we should just be random more often.

Just Think About It,

Tufte

The Undercurrent of Silence

Silence, all we hear is silence. It's not awkward it is just there, it is always there. But is there more, is there more then what we can hear, what we can see. What is silence?

It's a weird question isn't it. But you get my drift. There's always a silence it's always there, that gap in-between our sentences, in-between our conversations. That is what makes conversations worth listening too, that is what makes things worth reading. It's what we don't say that matters, it's that look that people give us, or when they don't that tell us how they feel. The emotions people try to hide behind words, but in silence there are no words, and emotions are laid bare.

Those emotions, anger, trust, sadness, happiness, its in the space. That gap, even the smallest gap, is the biggest difference. It's that little detail that changes a conversation. That is the undercurrent of silence, it's the meaning of the gap. If you pay attention to what people don't say, then you get a look into there heart. You get a look into what they really mean.

Silence, it's the cover for what we want to say and can't.
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I'M NOT SHOOTING BAMBI!!

So I went hunting for my forth year today. It's was cold. It was really cold. It was like when hell freezes over this is how it will feel...cold. But I did it anyways. I got to shoot, didn't hit anything, but oh well. Thing is yet again I was talking to a girl from Lakeville yesterday at a Yig deal and guess what she said when I said I hunted. "I could never go out and shoot Bambi."

OK the next person who says that too me, I will shoot. I'm not shooting a cartoon deer that speaks English and has a little rabbit friend named Thumper. I'm shooting at a wild animal that lives in the forest and doesn't speak. And trust me a deer isn't that cute. I can attest to that. That's the thing that gets me really ticked. When people sit there and say, "Don't kill dear, those poor little animals never did anything to you." Yeah, the point of hunting is not just to kill.

The point of hunting is two things, sport and food. We don't shoot the dear and leave dead in the middle of the field, we take it and eat the meat, also known as venison. Hey I'm not saying I don't like PETA, standing up for endangered animals and abused house pets is great. But don't tell me the dear suffer during hunting, one shot and their dead. Maybe two, but the dear dies quite fast. Better then getting your neck and body shredded by a pack of wolves wouldn't you agree. Without hunting, deer would become over populated, even though natural predators kill them, the dear population is 1,113,000, in Minnesota. Hunters kill 211,777 a year, which i second to the weather. That is right, the weather kills more deer then hunters. Does that mean we need protest the weather. Quick PETA get them, let us fire all weather men and women, no even better, let's Sue god. After all he controls the weather, right? Well that's a different subject.

Point is if hunters didn't hunt there would be 211,777 extra deer each year. Let all them breed and let's see how many deer we have in 10 years. So I'll say it again, unless your going to complain to the skies also, Don't bother the hunters, it's completely legal and safe( unless your stupid) and where not making deer extinct. So one last time, I'M NOT SHOOTING BAMBI!!.

-Tufte

Remember Remember...

Anyone who has seen V for Vendetta can finish this sentence, ...The 5 of November. Well today is the fifth of November and I don't think I will ever forget it. Today I came so close to losing everything I've ever had, Yes it may sound corny, but it's true. Some will say I'm making up bull because I want too, go ahead think that, but I'm dead serious in saying that I almost managed to screw up my entire life, and a few others in the process.

I'm not at liberty to say how, let us just say that it was serious. And it was my fault. It is weird, I have never really done anything majorly stupid, everyone does stupid things, but nothing close to what almost became a reality to me today. It didn't really hit me until I was on my way home today, and then bam, like an explosion to the chest, i realized how I had been within a hairs breath of losing everything I love. I've never thought of things like Chorale, The Musical, even sports I play as things I love, but I do. I honestly don't know what I'd do without those things in my life.

I know now that I do, and I realize how much I take for granted in life. I have always said not to take things for granted, and it turns out I took everything I have for granted. I am the biggest hypocrite I've ever known. And then I thought of the other people's lives I almost messed up. I could have ruined others lives, and yet I didn't notice until today what a careless, selfish person I had become. I'm the exact opposite of what I had ever wanted to be.

All these things came to me at once while I was in my car. I got home, walked inside, sat down against the wall in my room, and cried. Yes, I cried. Call me a pussy, a sissy, a spaz, I honestly don't give a shit. The saying "you wouldn't know unless it happened to you," comes into play here. You honestly wouldn't. It felt good, it really did, and then came that laughter. You all know what I mean. That laughter that follows the tears, I don't know what I was laughing at, there wasn't anything to laugh at. I think my body was telling me I had to stop, I had to be better then this. So I vow to be.

After my episode today I can understand, not fully, but more clearly, what I have that others don't, and what matters to me. And to think I came so close to losing that. I dodged a bullet, and I plan to never let that gun shoot again. So I apologize to those who's lives i came so close to ruining, I know it is not enough but it is what I've got right now, and i promise, for now and ever, to tread carefully, and with a full respect to my actions.

Remember Remember The Fifth of November,
Tufte

Screw The List

So like i said in my last one, I complain a lot. Also like a said in my last blog, I need to stop. So as a first act of making myself less of a complainer, I'm screwing that list. Yeah there is plenty of stuff in the world that I can complain about, that I have complained about. But there is lots of stuff that is great that I could talk about it. It is just harder to notice.

That list was a stupid idea. I'll say it myself. Does anyone really want to hear the 20 things about them that make them a jerk. I realize this after I wrote it of course. But I'm not going to delete it, I'm going to keep it there so that if i run out of good things to write about I'll write about one of those. Everyone needs a little venting time so I'll keep them there for that. But from now on, I am going to blog to make points, not to bitch at the world.

I'm Thinking About It,
Tufte

Draw the Line

I complain. A lot. Maybe not to peoples faces, that's not my thing. But in my head and too my friends, even in my blogs. I sit down at my computer and try to think of what I want to blog about and the only thing i can ever come up with is something that i think is stupid or wrong, and complain about it. I've been told I'm just making a point, but where's the line? Where is that thin line that everyone treads, that separates making a point and just complaining because you can.

I know why i complain, that is the easy part. What I don't understand is why i don't just find a better way to put it down in words. It seems the only way I can make a point is to bitch to the world on how much of a screw up we all are. I don't even like the sound of it. But this is just another problem what if i haven't crossed that line yet? What if I'm just being way over-conscience of what I'm writing cause I'm too hard of a critic on myself. But if I'm to hard of a critic on myself then I'm probably too hard of a critic to the rest of the world.

I guess this is my point. If i can't look at what I've said and wrote so far and know if it was complaining or making a decent point, then is what I'm writing even worth it. Am I even expressing my thoughts out there or are they being covered up by my inability to recognize if it's gone to far? Is everything I'm saying being taken to far or am I to worried about complaining that I don't realize I've never crossed that line? I don't know. I Honestly Don't.

The one thing I'm looking for, now that i think about it, is the middle ground. I think I need to find that line and tread it like I own it. We as people need to find the middle ground of the extremes and walk it. Because when we just sit on one side we never really realize what it's like on the other side, we are blinded by our own stupidity. AHH, see i complain again. The one thing I ask you out of this blog is "Where is that line, when do you cross over to complaining
from making a point, and have i crossed it or am i just paranoid?"

Just Think About It,
Tufte