Remember Remember...

Anyone who has seen V for Vendetta can finish this sentence, ...The 5 of November. Well today is the fifth of November and I don't think I will ever forget it. Today I came so close to losing everything I've ever had, Yes it may sound corny, but it's true. Some will say I'm making up bull because I want too, go ahead think that, but I'm dead serious in saying that I almost managed to screw up my entire life, and a few others in the process.

I'm not at liberty to say how, let us just say that it was serious. And it was my fault. It is weird, I have never really done anything majorly stupid, everyone does stupid things, but nothing close to what almost became a reality to me today. It didn't really hit me until I was on my way home today, and then bam, like an explosion to the chest, i realized how I had been within a hairs breath of losing everything I love. I've never thought of things like Chorale, The Musical, even sports I play as things I love, but I do. I honestly don't know what I'd do without those things in my life.

I know now that I do, and I realize how much I take for granted in life. I have always said not to take things for granted, and it turns out I took everything I have for granted. I am the biggest hypocrite I've ever known. And then I thought of the other people's lives I almost messed up. I could have ruined others lives, and yet I didn't notice until today what a careless, selfish person I had become. I'm the exact opposite of what I had ever wanted to be.

All these things came to me at once while I was in my car. I got home, walked inside, sat down against the wall in my room, and cried. Yes, I cried. Call me a pussy, a sissy, a spaz, I honestly don't give a shit. The saying "you wouldn't know unless it happened to you," comes into play here. You honestly wouldn't. It felt good, it really did, and then came that laughter. You all know what I mean. That laughter that follows the tears, I don't know what I was laughing at, there wasn't anything to laugh at. I think my body was telling me I had to stop, I had to be better then this. So I vow to be.

After my episode today I can understand, not fully, but more clearly, what I have that others don't, and what matters to me. And to think I came so close to losing that. I dodged a bullet, and I plan to never let that gun shoot again. So I apologize to those who's lives i came so close to ruining, I know it is not enough but it is what I've got right now, and i promise, for now and ever, to tread carefully, and with a full respect to my actions.

Remember Remember The Fifth of November,
Tufte